Matt Damon, The Moral Voice Of Our Time…

http://idontlikeyouinthatway.com/2009/01/shut-up-matt-damon.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnPWJOJYVKc

Words Of Wisdom From A Trucking Duck Driver…

“As stupid as it sounds, maybe if more people had a duck in their life, maybe we wouldn’t all be so mad at each other.”

http://www.nbclosangeles.com/news/weird/Trucking_Duck_All__National_.html

I bet there are some people from Sudan who would agree.

Just kidding.

I think this guy is onto something. I’m getting a duck, and Clancy’s gonna shit.

Hey, Does Your Ass Smell?

Thanks to Dick Weber

“Nothing matters more…

than little wings in flight.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9J65j2GNzw

Will somebody else please write this column? I feel like I just chugged a pint of ipecac; not quite up to it. This made me feel better:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OVDtzBeap7I

Okay, I Don’t Just Pick On Blondes…

Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the
coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air, and tells her that her
hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can’t stand it anymore,
takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled and asks: “What is sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair
smells nice?”

The woman replies: “Its Keith. The midget.”

Another Reason To Love Christopher Hitchens…

Among the many…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HECI4QK_mXA

Here’s dessert:

http://www.slate.com/id/2207148/

Blondes…

Maggie, a blonde, was desperate to earn some money, so she decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.  She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

 

“Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”

 

The blonde said, “How about $50?”

 

The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all around the house?” The man replied, “She should… she was standing on the porch.”

 

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. “You’re finished already?” he asked. “Yes,” the blonde answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.”  Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

 

“And by the way,” the blonde added, “that’s not a Porch… it’s a Ferrari.”

I Can Unequivocally Say I Hate To Fish…

 “I can unequivocally say I will not be running for national office in four years . . . .I am a believer in knowing what you’re doing when you apply for a job, and I think that if I were to seriously consider running on a national ticket, I would essentially have to start now, before having served a day in the Senate. There may be some who are comfortable with doing that, but I’m not one of those people.”—Barack Obama, immediately following his election to the Senate in 2004

Not To Be Outdone By Joe Biden..

…your 44th president only waited a few minutes before revealing himself as plagiarist-in-chief :

“…we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again…”—Barack Obama, 1/20/09

“But I got to pick myself up,
Dust myself off,
Start all over, again.”   Peter Tosh, Pick Myself Up, from the album Bush Doctor,1978

Peter, nee’ Winston Hubert McIntosh, is one of Bob Marley’s original Wailers.

“POTUS Is OUTUS!”

http://whitehouse.org/news/farewell.asp

Worth a read.

Nice Try, Cheery Booger

For Mackenzie, It’s All Clinton’s Fault (1/19/09)

Editor, Times-Dispatch:

According to Ross Mackenzie, Capt. George W. Bush was the best captain the Titanic ever had, and if it hadn’t been for that iceberg those evil lefties put it in his way, why, he could have steered us home way ahead of schedule!

There really ought to be a clinical category for folks who suffer denial to such an absurd degree. We are now an almost bankrupt nation with rapidly devaluating currency. We are undergoing a disastrous housing crisis along with the worst stock market decline since the Great Depression — but according to Mackenzie, these blips on the sonar can also be blamed on Clinton.

If he’d acted decisively, Bush could have captured or destroyed Osama bin Laden when he was stuck in Tora Bora; and if the commander-in-chief had bothered to read the daily security memos that were placed on his desk in the two weeks preceding 9/11, he probably would have been able to do something to prevent or minimize that tragedy.

Mackenzie’s great captain is significant only because of the amount of damage his blind steerage has caused the vessel of country. He was truly an incompetent and convenient figurehead owned lock, stock, and barrel by unrestrained corporate greed and right-wing religious smugness.

Frederick Chiriboga. Richmond.

 

Layinablog says:

 

Editor, Times-Dispatch:

 

I would like to take issue with one aspect of Frederick Chiriboga’s indictment of Ross Mackenzie (For Mackenzie, It’s All Clinton’s Fault, 1/19/09).

 

While I find it laughable that someone would implicitly attempt to defend the integrity of Bill Clinton, one phrase of Chiriboga’s letter is not so humorous; it is in fact monumental hypocrisy: “If he’d acted decisively, Bush could have captured or destroyed Osama bin Laden when he was stuck in Tora Bora.” Herein, Chiriboga blames Bush for the exact same failure of, that’s right, Bill Clinton, several years beforehand.

 

In his book Dereliction Of Duty, LtCol Robert Patterson USAF (a man that Clinton trusted with the “nuclear football,” and therefore one whose integrity is presumably beyond question) recounts first-hand Clinton’s failure to launch an attack on bin Laden at a confirmed location. Had Clinton not stalled and lost the opportunity (and one wonders what he may have been doing instead), perhaps bin Laden would have been killed. Perhaps there then would have been no 9-11. Perhaps there then would have been no Iraq war. Perhaps thousands of lives would have been saved. Perhaps billions of dollars could have been redirected to our economy.

 

This is not to excuse the many failures of President Bush, but there is plenty of blame to go around. And one fact is clear: the war on terror did not begin on 9-11. It is arguable that it began with the World Trade Center attack of 2/26/93, on Clinton’s watch. The problem for some eight-plus years thereafter was that only one side was fighting the war. The fact that the bombing failed is immaterial; it was an attempt to accomplish what 9-11 sadly did. And the man responsible for financing the 93 bombing, and partially for the instigation of 9-11, was Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, whom Bush, not Clinton, has captured.

 

Look for it soon in the local paper.

 

Whore Update…

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,480037,00.html

You really don’t see the word “maidenhead” much anymore. Probably because there aren’t many of them around.

“Natalie is a virgin and would like to sell this priceless and rare commodity in a very exclusive and private setting,” says the Bunny Ranch Web site.

Well, it’s certainly not priceless, because she’s willing to have a price put on it. It reminds me of the old joke: a guy asks a woman if she’ll sleep with him for 10 million dollars. She thinks for a moment and says that she would. He then asks her if she’ll do it for ten dollars. She replies, “Of course not! What do you think I am, a prostitute?” He says, “We’ve already established that. Now we’re just haggling over price.”

And that’s where Ms. Dylan finds herself. The bid is now $3.7 million, but one must wonder: if the top bid were to turn out to be, say, $3,700, wouldn’t she accept it? One must also wonder if there was a reserve price set.

In any event…whore. And yes, every man who bid on her cherry, not just the winner, is equally reprehensible.

Would You Like A Fancy Funeral?

No! Zee plain! Zee plain! (Sorry)

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,479941,00.html

A devastating loss for Trek fans worldwide. He was the best of the villians, as Sibahl Khan Noonien Singh in the original tv series and, by no accident, in the second movie.

I remember sitting around in college with my friend Bill Brownley, watching the rerun of “Space Seed” and for the first time appreciating what a badass Ricardo Montalban was. It was barely an exaggeration when he famously told Kirk, “I have 5 times your strength.” The above pics are 15 years apart, and he hadn’t lost it. Say what you will about Fantasy Island, Montalban was a man.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYPsoxpt0BU (Yes, the poster misspelled it as “Kahn”)

Guest column to the first person to check in with the correct identification of the first character to utter these words.

RIP, Khan.

This Week’s Sign Of The Apocalypse…

22-Year-Old’s Virginity Auction Hits $3.7 Million

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,479746,00.html

Anybody stupid enough (and is there any doubt that it’s either an Arab or Asian businessman, or Donald Trump?) to believe that

a. this (if I may quote Doug Neidermeyer) “nauseating pile of blubber” is a virgin or

b. she shouldn’t be paying him to take care of matters

deserves the multiple strains of antibiotic-resistant STDs that he will no doubt contract as a result of “winning” this auction. The layers of toxic pancake makeup that will rub off on him is alone probably good for several tasty and permanent rashes.

See the bit about her sister? Proud parents they must have.

An Important Message From Caroline Kennedy…

“I can tell you what I think I’d bring to this, which is, you know, I’m not a conventional choice, I haven’t followed the traditional path, but I do think I’d bring a kind of a lifetime of experience that is relevant to this job. I think that what we’ve seen over the last year, and particularly and even up to the last — is that there’s a lot of different ways that people are coming to public life now, and it’s not only the traditional path. Even in the New York delegation, you know, some of our great senators — Hillary Clinton, Pat Moynihan — came from, you know, other walks of life. We’ve got Carolyn McCarthy, John Hall, both of them have an unconventional background, so I don’t think that that is, uh — so I think in many ways, you know, we want to have all kinds of different voices, you know, representing us, and I think what I bring to it is, you know, my experience as a mother, as a woman, as a lawyer, you know, I’ve been an education activist for the last six years here, and, you know, I’ve written seven books — two on the Constitution, two on American politics. So obviously, you know, we have different strengths and weaknesses.”

Just what we need in the senate: someone who has never held public office, and who can challenge most NFL cornerbacks in a “you know” contest.